We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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