i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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