I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you had me at cake vodka
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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