we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
