Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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