I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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