I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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