plz talk dirty to me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
