I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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