i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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