there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is my gift to your gina
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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