I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize