i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
