my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
