you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
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Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.