you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.