they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.