I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
