somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.