no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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