Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
