i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
PANTIES FOUND
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
