Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
even my farts smell like vagina
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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