i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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