and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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