theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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