The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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