I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
