my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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