Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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