I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
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LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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