everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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