Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
