I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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