Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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