He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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