He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
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