Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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