Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We just shotgunned beers for America
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace