I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.