i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.