just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.