Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.