if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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