She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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