Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
