turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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