Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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