I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
