so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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