There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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