i think my tv is drunk
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
These tits shall not be calmed
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