For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
