Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
