Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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