Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
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I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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