So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
