I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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